Dancing to Discover

WHY DANCE?

When I created my semester study plan I decided that I wanted to include dance in some way.  I'm not sure how this ended up being the place to do it, but I am happy that I followed through with the idea.

I had initially envisioned myself creating a stage performance much like In Search of Air, a performance by Lida Winfield that I viewed while at my first Goddard Residency.  She ever so gracefully and eloquently shared her emotional story of dyslexia.  For me, the experience was not only a beautiful work of art, but also a grand example of learning through Howard Gardner's multiple intelligences. I learned and retained more about dyslexia from Lida's hour-long performance than I could have every imagined gaining from a flat book that would have taken me hours to read and hours more to process through notes.

So I sought to create something that could share a short and convey understanding in a much more vibrant way than by just writing a paper that probably no one except my advisor would read.

I really thought that I this dance project would just be about me sharing my experience in a way that shows that I can empathize with anyone with any type of disability.  Instead, I brought two extremely difficult but important understandings to my conscious.

LEARNING TO DANCE: I don't really think it would have been hard for me to just dance around the room and call it an "interpretive dance."  I realize that there are many fundamentals and years of practice that go into lyrical/ contemporary dance, but I probably could have created something easy that matched my amateur skills without spending a lot of time on it.

Instead, I thought it would be fun to actually learn a choreographed dance. You'll see the result during "Lights" by Elle Goulding.  I like this song and I found Mike Song's choreography on Youtube to seem cool, doable, and unlike anything I've done before.  All of these attributes came to fruition in some way, but not as I'd hoped.

Although I find that reading retention, math and memorization are my academic weaknesses, I generally do not have difficulty "getting" a concept.  I struggled to learn Mike's dance moves- even when I slowed the song to half-speed.  I spent hours mirroring the dancers, failing to keep up and re-watching the video trying to get it right.  One day I'd get some of it down and the next day I felt like I was back at square one.  I became frustrated and doubted that I could ever produce anything that I could be remotely proud of.  The hardest part was simply not knowing the best way for me to learn the moves.

It was a sobering insight into what having a learning disability must really feel like.  As I describe in the video, my physical limitations were (and still are) only really noticeable to me.  I have been able to learn to live with them and to build up my strength on my own time and not under the pressure of anyone other than myself. Experiencing the frustration of having a deadline to learn this dance and my difficulty in doing so has allowed me to see the true torment that having a disability must cause when a student is pressured to learn things in the classroom at a pace and in a way that is determined by someone else.
There were a number of times when I thought I might scrap this part of the packet and just write a paper, but I wanted to push myself.

LOVING TO LIVE: As I watch (and re-watched numerous times during editing) myself I realize that I can hardly share and compare the strides I've made in physical mobility, the pain I will never be free of and the limitations I will always have.  In the dance clip with my dog I look fairly normal, but it honestly is a good representation of my FULL range of motion, which by comparison to a normal 19 year old, was very limited.  I couldn't lift my leg high enough to get on a bike, sitting cross-leg on the floor was impossible, as was pushing myself up off the floor.  In the dances I recorded this week, I could have done more to represent what my strength and mobility is now.  But, I had limited space, time and desire; by the time most of this was filmed it was hours after an already long day at work!  But this also leads me to the recognition that there is no reason to stop here.  My life-long OFF-LIMITS activities as declared by my doctor include: running, jumping, tennis, skiing, skating and anything else that could cause me to fall or pound away at my hips.  Dance is something I can and want to do and do better.  Over the past five years I have made strides in yoga that I never thought possible.  Although I don't think that Dancing with the Stars is in my future, I am excited for what I'll be able to accomplish.

This process, in comparing my experience to that of my future students with learning disabilities, I am reminded of the differences between coping with something and curing it.  For all intensive purposes, having the hip replacement surgery has "cured" my disability.  Obviously I still have loads of limitations, but they pale in comparison to the way my life could have been without the expertise and willingness of amazing doctors.  Can I "cure" a learning disability? Probably not.  Can I meet each individual with empathy at the place they are, offer my support and strategies and build their strength and confidence?  Absolutely.


THE SOUNDTRACK: Early in this packet I spent a lot of time considering music to build my dance on.  I even watched Soundtrack for A Revolution, a documentary about the power of song in the civil rights movement.  Music was a natural force and connection for the people of the civil rights movement, and given its power in alternative education I'd say it is also a natural connection for students in the fight for access and equality in the classroom.  Dyslexia and ADHD aren't, however, the most revolutionary topics to sing about, but the people and power they represent could use the momentum and force of the civil rights pioneers.  I searched a great deal, but didn't come up with any specific songs about differences in education that I felt moved to move to.  Instead, I choose more popular songs with poignant meanings.  In the end, I also was compelled to take a stab at writing my own song.  Time and talent, however, were against me and I think some practice and guidance could help solidify the track.  Consider what you hear here as a "rough-draft."  Still, it was an important part of my process (I actually wrote it after watching one of the films I mentioned) and I wanted to include it.  The full lyrics follow the video.

Ok, without further adieu, I present my brave journey of complete vulnerability:



Soundtrack (in order):

My song:

We live so far apart,

and yet we think its close.

Too busy to slow down,

and try to understand.

So many in the dark,

their hope is almost lost.

Whatever can we do

with apathetic minds?

We are travelers on a journey;

I’ll gladly take your hand.

So long as you love the one you’re meant to be.

So long as you love the one you’re meant to be.

Please share your story;

I want to hear it all.

I don’t care they say you’re dumb

or that ya can’t learn and grow.

A long time you have known

you're not like all the rest.

It’s hard to read the words,

or look them in the eye.

We are travelers on a journey;

I’ll gladly take your hand.

So long as you love the one you’re meant to be.

So long as you love the one you’re meant to be.

You’ve said that it is hard;

they say that you don’t try.

You want to speak with paint;

they say it can’t be done.

It’s hard to keep your focus

when you’re constantly afraid.

The one whose supposed to teach

is the one who needs to learn.

You can fight to be free

but the end you’ll only be

Be the one that you hold close

The one that you love most.

You are perfect who you are

Just like all the rest.

Make them hear

Make them see

The person you are meant to be.

Do it by love.

Do it with hope.

I’ll be right here.

For when I help you up

it don’t degrade me;

Instead it helps me love

the person that I am.